If a mom screams into the void of her household where no one listens to her, does she make a sound? Sometimes I really wonder. I can ask, plead, yell until I’m blue in the face, but nothing ever changes. Sure, a toilet might get cleaned here or there, but life generally stays the same. I went from being an Army non-commissioned officer, where people are generally expected to carry out the tasks you assign to them, to a stay-at-home mom where I seem to be the only one expected to do any tasks whatsoever.
I struggle with the day-to-day tasks of managing everything that goes on in our house with little to no help. Toilet paper roll is out? Let’s just keep stacking roll upon empty roll until mom ventures into the bathroom to tidy up. Drop your socks out of the dryer while unloading your clothes? Let’s see just how tall Unclaimed Sock Mountain can get. The pancake mix that spilled on the floor while you were arguing with your sibling? Don’t worry about it, mom will be along in a little bit to sweep up after you. The household mess isn’t just a product of the children, my husband seems intent on assisting them in their destruction. Complain about the cluttered state of the guest room/office? It may be a good idea to throw all the packaging from your new computer on the floor so she can come in a week later to pick up after you.
I tried discussing this with my husband, but he told me “Just tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it.” While to him this may seem like the easiest solution, to me it sounds like more work. Now, in addition to making sure I clean up after myself and the twins, I can make sure to keep track of everything that needs to be done. Even ridiculous things that I never thought I’d needed to say, like “if you make trash, throw it away.” is now part of my management responsibilities. I spent way too much time going behind the grown and nearly-grown people in my house, picking up clothing tags, random bits of paper, food wrappers, empty deodorant sticks and shampoo bottles, bare toilet paper rolls, etc.
Why? Why do we expect women to be the bearers of all household responsibility? I miss having a job, because at least I didn’t feel guilty when I didn’t do it all. It just didn’t get done because it wasn’t staring me in the face all day. Now that I’m between jobs, I’m back to being the maid, the chauffeur, the personal assistant, etc. I have to clean the house, plan the meals, make sure the kids and the husband have everything they need even if it’s a last-minute request. Did I mention that I’m still enrolled in college full-time?
